Sunday, December 25, 2011

Goddess Bless Us, Every One

A somewhat late arrival for the Advent Ghosts event. This one is just kind of an odd thought experiment, but it's got a ghost and it's got Christmas, dammit. :-P

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“Scrooge!”

“Oh, my God!” said Eleanor Scrooge. “Marlene!?”

“Yes,” said the ghost. “I have returned from the grave to warn you. Your greedy and grasping ways will doom your soul. For it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich person…”

“Now hold on.” Eleanor fetched her glasses from the bedside table. “Do you know how hard I had to work to earn this lifestyle? I make seventy cents on the dollar, at most.”

Marlene coughed. “And poor Mary Cratchitt?”

Eleanor hesitated. “I just… I wanted her to understand that there’s no such thing as a free ride for an independent woman. The glass ceiling is always there. She needs to toughen up, learn to fight for what she wants.” She sighed. “But you’re right. She’s worked hard, and I can’t expect everyone to make the same choices I did. I’ll make sure she comes up for promotion after she gets back from maternity leave.”

“Well,” said Marlene. “That was a lot easier than expected. What am I going to do with the three spirits of ominous foreboding and Christmas cheer?”

“Try them on my brother Ebenezer,” Eleanor suggested. “He inherited the lion’s share of Daddy’s money, being the ‘firstborn son’ and all that rot, and you know what he’s done with it? Nothing. He barely even invests in stocks and bonds, let alone putting it to work in the community. I’m amazed there’s any of it left, what with inflation gnawing away at it.”

Marlene nodded thoughtfully. “Where is he now?”

“Oh, probably at campaign headquarters.” Eleanor chuckled. “Even on Christmas, he’s always obsessing over his poll numbers. Just tell him you’re some old business partner. He can’t remember his vice president’s name, let alone everyone he’s ever worked with.”

5 comments:

Craig said...

Brilliant!

Aidan Fritz said...

Fun. I like the way this is updated to today and plays with the scrooge myth.

Loren Eaton said...

Male versus female, politicians versus capitalists -- quite a lot of fun. Plus you've got a nice biblical allusion in there. And I think it worked as more than just a thought experiment; it seemed a full story in its own right.

Thanks for joining us, sir.

unspeakablegibberer said...

Good stuff man!

Scattercat said...

Thanks, guys! I'm glad it was enjoyable, even if I'm far from satisfied with it.

Happy holidays/whatever. See y'all on the flip side.