Sunday, January 16, 2011

Children of Power, Children of Fate

Long one today, based on an offhand comment from Mur Lafferty. I apologize in advance, as this story contains not just a pun, but a raunchy pun. I'll let myself out the back way and see about that suicide now, shall I?

They thought it would change the world, and it did, in some ways. But eventually things settled down, as they do, and everyone found that life carried on. It ended up as just another pickup line, like "What's your sign?" At least it didn't bring disco back (except for poor Stuart, who never figured out how to turn his abilities off and ended up hanging himself to the strains of KC and the Sunshine Band.)

It was more than that to me, but until now, my quest had been fruitless. "So what's your power?"

"I can reshape liquids into cats and bring them to life." She flicked a bored glance my way, but paused when she saw my stunned expression. "What?"

"Follow me." We went outside, to the mouth of the alley, where – as usual – a handful of strays were browsing on garbage from the sushi joint next door. "I don't usually do this, you understand? But this can't be just a coincidence."

"What is it?"

I pointed to a small gray tiger-tabby, and the terrible dark energy crackled from my fingertips. The cat gave a small "mew" and collapsed into a gray-and-black puddle. I turned to the girl. "Try it now. Please."

She gave me a wide-eyed stare, then knelt and touched the puddle of cat. It bristled, grew furry, and, with a soft chime, became a gray cat that gazed at us with a mixture of confusion and disdain before leaping to rejoin its companions.

The woman stood and met my gaze. "This... it's like destiny."

"I don't normally ask women home on a first date," I said, "but I've been saving Mister Scruffles in an old milk jug. When my powers manifested I... he... and I couldn't help him..." To my embarrassment, I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I turned away. "I'm sorry."

"Shh," she said. "I think it's sweet. C'mon. I'll pay the subway fare."

"You will? I mean, you'll come and help him?"

"Of course! It's not every day you meet a man who can make a pussy wet from across the room."


Jim Murdoch said...

Not quite but almost. I've always liked jokes like this. Like the one with the punchline: "A hod is as good as a sink to a blind Norse."

The Words Crafter said...

Hahahahaha!!! Clever ;P

Gerald said...

Face Palm.

Gerald said...

You should add a new reaction to the list.

(Cool) (Meh) (Yuck) (Groan)...

Just a passing idea. :)

ranjit said...

Ha! I heard that comment on Escape Pod, and hoped that someone would run with it!d