Friday, September 25, 2009


“Carson is a solid team player and a great athlete.”

“He’s weak outside of genre. Coach tried him on freestyle poetry last week. He ranked fifth on the whole field.”

“You’ve got to consider stats, Stan. The boy puts out over three thousand words a day, with a seven percent cut rate on the editing sweep. Talk about output ratio!”

“Can’t ignore the doping controversy, though. He tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs.”

“Coffee, whiskey, and unfiltered cigarettes. Shame, that. Still, that was ten years ago. He’s moved on and so should we.”

“Looking forward to tomorrow’s match?”

“You know it.”


Loren Eaton said...

Nice, especially the doping bit. Frederick Pohl has talked about trying to break writer's block with Dexedrine. The results were rather humorous.

Fritz said...

Nice. I find the age of Carson to be somewhat though-provoking. He's referred to as boy; but the doping was 10 years ago...

Scattercat said...

In my admittedly limited experience with sportscasters, they seem to refer to the actual players as "boy" or "kid" if they're anywhere under thirty. I could be way off on this; the last time I saw even thirty seconds of such a broadcast was probably a Thanksgiving sometime in the late nineties.